my mother talked to me about ten years ago ,if she has another children she would not educate him like she educated me

my mother talked to me about ten years ago ,if she has another children she would not educate him like she educated me
she said she fell reget once i was a smrt boy but after her education i was not
she force me to learn english learn music learn dancing
when i was about 5 years old
if i dont want do that or if i cant understand how to do that that shi would bang me and roar to me i was a little child!
she threatened me with a knife for several times!
and when i was in about grade 3 i dont want do my homework she was so brood that she think i got an ill
so she make me eat some pill everyday these could make me feel relax and wish to do my home work
it just like a kind of drug when she know it can injured my brain she stopped
she said i was very smart when i was an infant i can do something other infants cannot do but i was not now
she feel regret
but who cares about me!
my body is mine
i feel ngry but i can not do any thing
i am a chinese
for her i am just a failed production
now i can notice that i was a little insane
i cant communicate with people well i can speak a lot but they always feel disgust i want a girl friend but i never try because thats impossible from the above